December 2022

Santa, is that eggnog on your breath?

No - I do not want to sit on your lap you sociopathic degenerate.

Let me get this right, you leave presents for me? Usually colonizers take things.

"You want Santa to stop the scheduled demolition of your Vermont St. address? Uh..."

Very impressive, Santa, but shingles doesn’t care.

Santa Claus is a Black man, and he's handsome like my Daddy too. That's why I'm telling you :-).

*Santa Claus is a Black man, and he's handsome like my Daddy too. That's what I'm telling you.* :-)

You sit on a throne of lies.

Ignoring the fact he seemed to be following her, little Cindy was flabbergasted that Santa was able to drop 40lbs in just the time it took to get to her doctor's office from the mall.

I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!

Now tell me again, Santa, what time will you stop by my house? I'll leave milk & cookies for you but only if you are on time!

So. Let's talk about that pony I asked for last year.........

Is your face wadded up or padded up?

Whatcha talkin bout Santa?

I can’t sit on your lap until mom confirms you are current on your immunization schedule Santa. Also, please don’t enter our home. You can Zelle or Venmo me.

I am not allowed to talk to strangers and you are very strange

"Have I been good?" What kind of question is that?

"I love my knee high socks! They are comfy and look nice with my patent leather shoes. Are you wearing knee highs too or are those leg warmers?"

Santa, listen closely. I. Am. Not. An. Elf.

I already sent you a letter of what I want. You should check your mail.

So a rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into this bar at the North Pole and....wait a minute....I think I'm at the wrong Christmas party young lady! I'll show myself out!

That moment when I realized Santa stole all my cookies...

…who are you?