"A Drunk-o-Meter? That's fantastic, but I thought you boys were working on a device to prevent Russian meddling in future U.S. presidential elections!  Come to think of it, I guess we'll never need to worry about something like THAT!"

"That's right, officer! Just scream into the tube, and we'll be able to power the building for another five minutes."

Gentleman, I give you the drunk-o-meter. First, you have them quickly suck down this tube of everclear grain alcohol. Next step is to inform them they are intoxicated. Takes all the guess work out of it!

I don't understand - we should be getting more of a reaction from the copper. 

Warden Norton and inmate Andy Dufresne demonstrate a novel device for enhancing revenue for prison funding.  It's as easy as pie!

Alfred Hitchcock, celebrity spokesperson for the new Drunk-O-Meter, shows Officer Jones and his colleagues his record-setting Drunk-O-Meter reading from the premier party of The Birds.