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A patient and a nursing student
Winning Entry: Uh oh, she's moving the newspaper...think unsexy thoughts...unsexy, unsexy, unsexy... - Michael Smoker
So then he sez, "howsabout I break your arm to match your leg, squealer?" an' I sez, "you an' what army, fathead?" an' I turn to skeedaddle, forgettin' all about my leg...
When I look up, I see a sign from God that I will limbo again some day.
"Nurse? If I said I saw a monster crawling on the ceiling, would you think I was crazy?"
"Never mind. I'm ready to be discharged. Right now."
You know when I woke up this morning, I thought today seemed like a great day to have a beautiful nurse give me an enema - dreams do come true!
Nurse, I must ask a rather unusual request. Please don't be alarmed, but if you would be so kind to slowly take this newspaper and kill that grotesquely large and hairy arachnid on the ceiling for me...
Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven?
Uh oh, she's moving the newspaper...think unsexy thoughts...unsexy, unsexy, unsexy...
Yeah, that enema isn't happening today.
Hmm - no, I don't think I need the newspaper; I have a beadpan instead.
Is that an engagement ring? Darn it.
Oh, thank heaven!
You want me to do WHAT with that bar?
I'm a quality management kind of guy, but in this case I'm not against lowering the bar.